Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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