you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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