Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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