Yo dont text me then not text me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
