he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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