What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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