Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's like iHOP with fire
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
