That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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