I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
