the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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