I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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