I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
