The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
