so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
