I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
