those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
did i walk over a car last night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
