90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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