Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
