Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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