she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
