I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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