Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
did you just send me my own nude
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
