Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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