i think my mom watched the whole time
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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