Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
