How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
