My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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