i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
