you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think your dad took our porno
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
