i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
