i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize