He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
