That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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