Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
