Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
