I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize