I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
