You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
