Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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