so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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