See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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