I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
