I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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