filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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