I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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