wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize