if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
