piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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