You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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