so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
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I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
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I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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