you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we're so committed to being not committed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
