i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
