The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
