His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
