She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
