I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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