So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
