That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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