one might say we're banned from that church
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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