if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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