did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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