You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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