His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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