i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Boobs speak an international language.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
