nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
