So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
