just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
