The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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