i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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