i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
