Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
