I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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