Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
