Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
